Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
