the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
