ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
