So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
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we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
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Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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