Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
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If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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