yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
