people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
