The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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