Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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