I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
