My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
