wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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