What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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