the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
