he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
