Apparently you make a good broom.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
