i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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