first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
from now on my penis is your penis
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
