She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
