1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
