every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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