if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
