i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
