Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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