I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
