He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
