Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
