You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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