What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
