I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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