If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
