Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
