Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so explain again why im purple
no
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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