The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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