when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
