Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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