Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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