Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Randomize
