I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
