if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
