I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
