apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
These tits shall not be calmed
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
