Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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