lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
