He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
