so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
