i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize