Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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