hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dick very happy bro
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
