I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
