I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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