Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
