is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
