I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
