You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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