Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Fuck appropriateness.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
