Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I touched a dick in church today
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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