We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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