I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
