I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
