We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
