Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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