the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
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He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
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I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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