So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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