im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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