Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
