hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
