I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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