If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
